He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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