I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
