oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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