You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
