This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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