??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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