I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
