i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
