I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
