he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
