I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
