How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
