i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
