I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
