Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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