very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
