He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
