found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
