well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
