So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
