i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
