He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
