its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
