You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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