what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
