I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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