You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
