I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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