Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
