can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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