My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
