so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
