So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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