I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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