i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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