Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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