I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
