he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
