I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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