last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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