Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
