Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
