The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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