my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
