had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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