I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
