Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
