you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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