You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
