Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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