How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
