1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
