please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
