Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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