So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
