Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You ruined the universe
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
