Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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