im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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