I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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