I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think your dad took our porno
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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