Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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