i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
