M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
