well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
