My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize