i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
