fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I believe in your delicious
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
