her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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