Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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