I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This girl is more easily done than said...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
