I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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