1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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