we made out on top of his cat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
this is an emotional support booty call
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
