It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize