Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
then he tried to convert me to islam
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
